Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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