Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
