i think i have two assholes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
