You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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