Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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