listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
