i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
