ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
tell me about the eggs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
