I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
