Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
