so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
