my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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