just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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