You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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