Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
