I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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