When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
