There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
