How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
