Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to cum in my sink.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
