this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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