Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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