he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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