That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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