I hate your face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
