ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I will be naked everywhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
