he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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