It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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