I think I won the penis lottery.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
