FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
