Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
