smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
