I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
