my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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