i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
