I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
