The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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