I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
