i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
