You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
