Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
