I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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