Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
