mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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