You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
