That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
