The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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