i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
