how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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