That's when you crack a 10am beer
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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