Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
