My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
