so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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