Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
