i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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