I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
