I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
