moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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