he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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