Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?