My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!