Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight