I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?