I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
