Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.