gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
