You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
