First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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