Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
