whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
